Making conversation with a person you’ve matched with on a dating app often feels like trying to squeeze blood from a stone. In this case, the blood is the person you’re hoping to spend the rest of your life with and the stone is a dating profile which tells you nothing apart from this person’s opinion on whether pineapple belongs on pizza.
The information we give away about ourselves on dating profiles is usually pretty limited. After all, it’s difficult to bare your soul in 500 characters or less. But this means that so many of the dating profiles you scroll through on various apps are filled with what TikTok users are describing as "beige flags" — a prompt or photo that suggests the person behind it might be, well, a little bit boring.
People talk a lot about red flags and it’s safe to say that dating profiles are not lacking in them. From endless shirtless photos to casual misogynistic comments in their prompts and, of course, the dreaded fish photo, everyone will have their own list of prompts and photos that immediately make you want to swipe left. But the issue with most people’s dating profiles is that even when you think they’re attractive and that you might be compatible, there often isn’t much to go off when it comes to learning about who they actually are and what you might be able to talk to them about.
For a lot of singletons, scrolling on dating apps isn’t an enjoyable experience. It’s a means to an end — the endpoint being finding someone you have a connection with. In fact, swiping left and right and making conversation can often feel like hard work — a chore that requires hours of effort that can sometimes prove entirely fruitless. But why is that? Surely, it should be enjoyable to speak to people you find attractive and are interested in building a connection with. Well, a new TikTok trend has suggested one reason why dating apps can be so frustrating and unfulfilling. According to creator Caitlin MacPhail, who coined the term, most people’s dating profiles are littered with "beige flags."
What is a beige flag?
Beige flags are signs on a dating app that someone hasn’t put much effort into their dating profile, Caitlin explains, and it typically means that the conversation and the potential date that might follow could also be dull and unsuccessful. "If someone has a lot of beige flags on their profile, you’ll probably get to the end of it without having really learnt anything about them," she tells Mashable.
Beige flags will vary from person to person because we all have different interests and ideas of what we want from a partner, according to Caitlin. But the easiest beige flags to spot are the ones that come up time and time again across scores of dating profiles. "Something about whether chocolate belongs in the fridge or the cupboard, them saying that they’ll probably love their dog more than you, or lots of gym selfies and references to the gym are typical beige flags," she explains.
Some common examples of beige flags are references to extremely mainstream sitcoms such as The Office or Parks and Recreation — most people like these TV shows so it doesn’t really say anything about you. Another example of beigeness is using puppies as a personality trait, which straight men are often particularly guilty of. Mentioning spreadsheets, excel, or, of course, cryptocurrency is an absolute no-go because, frankly, for the general population these are some of the very least interesting topics of conversation (sorry to any crypto fans reading this). Mentioning how sarcastic you are will probably earn you a beige flag, as will a reference to your grammar skills or lack thereof.
"I’m overly competitive about… everything," is a beige flag 23-year-old Ellie regularly sees on Hinge, while 30-year-old Anouzka says that an immediate beige flag is someone making a joke about not wanting to be on the app they’re advertising themselves on, for example: "My idea of hell is… being on Hinge."
One beige flag that seems to come up again and again is only including photos of you and your friends on your dating profile, which also makes it difficult to identify who you're actually talking to. "If all their pictures are them with friends it doesn’t sell themselves that well. It’s nice to see that someone has a social life but I think it’s a bit lazy if you’ve not even tried to get one nice solo photo," says 25-year-old Charlotte.
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Beige flags not only make everyone’s experience of being on dating apps less enjoyable but having such mainstream interests on your profile is probably going to make it more difficult to find someone you genuinely have things in common with, unless you’re looking for an entire relationship that revolves around watching reruns of Peep Show. "I think the approach that a lot of people take is giving a generic answer which, of course, widens your pool but it’s a pool of people you probably don’t have much in common with because you haven’t given an answer that’s unique to you," Caitlin says.
"When people who put photos up but don’t write anything on their profile it suggests they can’t be bothered to make the effort which also makes me think they have no personality."
No one downloads a dating app with the intention of creating a boring profile — and yet, dating apps are full of people who've quite honestly put in the bare minimum. Having no prompts on your dating profile is arguably the ultimate beige flag. I’ve seen more profiles than I can count where daters go out of their way to avoid answering the prompts. "Don’t hate me if I… don’t answer these prompts" is one that comes up again and again, as well as people giving the same generic answer throughout their profile — "I geek out on… Guinness," "I won’t shut up about… Guinness," and "The key to my heart is… Guinness" is a genuine example I’ve seen of someone trying to avoid sharing anything about themselves on a dating app, which feels lazy and entitled.
Thea, who is 46 and mainly uses Tinder, says this is something that will immediately make her swipe left: "When people who put photos up but don’t write anything on their profile it suggests they can’t be bothered to make the effort which also makes me think they have no personality," she says.
Are beige flags a crutch because people find it hard to be vulnerable on apps? Many of the prompts offered to you on dating apps encourage you to open up and be honest about yourself, like some of Hinge’s most popular prompts: "fact about me that surprises people…" or "I want someone who…". They offer users a chance to be genuinely open about who they are and what they want but most people use them as an opportunity to try to be funny or as an excuse to brag. Then there's the odd bit of casual misogyny thrown in for good measure ("no drama queens," "looking for someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously").
"A lot of people struggle to get their personality across on dating apps because it’s become a bit cringe to be authentic or vulnerable," Caitlin says. "It’s easier to put what you think people will want to hear, especially when it feels almost competitive on dating apps — it makes sense that people want to play it safe with their profiles."
How to de-beige your dating profile
Playing it safe isn’t necessarily going to help you stand out from the crowd, though. In fact, Anna who has been with her boyfriend for a year now, swiped right on him purely because of how unusual his prompts were, one of which required her to rank a list of crisps he’d chosen in the correct order. Thea agrees that her most successful relationship that started on a dating app was with someone she only swiped right on because of his prompts. “I went on a date with someone who wasn’t my normal type because I thought he would be funny because of his prompts,” she says. Turns out, he was and they dated for a number of months.
Beige flags on dating apps aren’t the end of the world and, of course, it’s still possible to find someone you like even if your Hinge is as beige as a fussy eater’s favourite foods. Ellen, 27, has been with her boyfriend for nearly seven years, but she nearly faced a Sliding Doors moment as she considered swiping left on him because one of his prompts was: "never judge a book by its cover." The irony of that prompt isn't lost on her and it’s something her boyfriend pointed out when she mentioned it after they had already been dating for a couple of months: "I thought it was boring and cliché but when I asked him about it he said he couldn’t think of anything better at the time… and his response turned out to be true anyway," Ellen says. "He had only been on Tinder for about a week so I don’t think he realised how bad of a choice it was."
Looking to maximise your chances of meeting someone on a dating app? Caitlin shares her three top tips for avoiding beige flags…
Being successful on dating apps is all about making yourself stand out, so Caitlin advises taking a minute to figure out what your ‘unique selling points’ (USPs) are. "What are the things that you can include that are specific to you? Maybe they’re a little bit more niche and aren’t the same as the general population but that’s ok," she says.
For example, do you or have you ever played a strange sport? Do you collect anything unusual (other than Hinge matches you never start a conversation with)? Have you ever worked in a random job? Do you do volunteer work? Your USPs can be as deep or as trivial as you’d like.
"If you let your personality show, you might not get as many matches but you’ll probably find that you’ll attract the right people."
Obviously, everyone using a dating app is trying to include photos in their profile that they think make them look attractive, but Caitlin says that this shouldn’t be your main priority in order to avoid beige flags. "Choose a good variety of photos ideally encompassing a few aspects of your life if you can," she suggests.
These should include both photos of you on your own and with your friends, ideally not all on a night out or entirely selfies, for example. If you don’t have any photos representing your hobbies and interests, ask someone to take some or set up a self-timer and take some yourself — avoiding beige flags might involve a little bit of cringing at yourself, FYI.
Don’t be afraid to be weird
Dr. Caroline West, Bumble’s sex and relationships expert, stresses the importance of avoiding photos that are overly-used on dating apps, as these don’t help you stand out from the crowd. Research by Bumble found that 60 percent of people would be put off by gym selfies on a dating profile, while 37 percent said they’d be put off by photos of them posing with a tiger or riding an elephant on holiday.
The reason so many people fall victim to beige flags on dating apps is because they feel insecure and don’t want to show off their real personality. But this is a nonsensical approach when you’re looking to meet a potential partner because it might stop you from finding someone who likes you for who you are. "If you let your personality show, you might not get as many matches but you’ll probably find that you’ll attract the right people," is Caitlin’s advice.
Jess Wreford, who is the brand partnership’s lead at the dating app Thursday has become very familiar with beige flags on dating profiles and she says the best way to avoid them is by being honest. "A common mistake on dating profiles is trying to come across as too witty. For sure, a sense of humour is something some people look for and a sprinkle of this is great," she says. "However, making every answer a joke means you don't actually get other aspects of your personality across."
Dating apps get a bad rep but they actually don’t have to be boring or frustrating. You might just find that being vulnerable and putting your true self out there totally transforms the way you swipe and chat.
BRB, I need to go make some serious edits to my Hinge profile.
